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Band 3

Some people think that children should not watch television because it has negative effects while others believe that TV helps children. What is your opinion.

#people #children #television #effects #tv
There is no doubt that these days kids
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been
spend
Change the verb form
spending
spent
show examples
 countless hours in
front
 of
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
,
some
Correct word choice
and some
show examples
 people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that the TVs had
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids. I agree
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it may affect
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 social skills and
also
,
Correct your spelling
their
the
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 health. As can be seen, spending too many hours in
front
 of TVs screen can reflect on them and their communication and social skills. When
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
sit
Change the verb form
sits
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching cartoons and playing games he would
lost
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lose
be lost
show examples
 a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
show examples
 of chances to
making
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
 friends
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
 of his age and be
Correct your spelling
unable
inable
Correct your spelling
unable
 to be comfortable with a group of people.
For example
, there is a research which applied to
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
 of
children
 in
diffirnet
Correct your spelling
different
 ages shows that the
children
 who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 spending
longtime
Correct your spelling
long time
show examples
 in
front
 of TV screen be
more shy
Replace the words
shyer
show examples
 in compare with other
children
.
On the other hand
, long hours in
front
 of
TV
Add an article
the TV
show examples
, either for watching YouTube or for playing Online games, means that
children
 are staying so long time without movement and lacking
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of daily outdoor activities,
such
 as playing football, riding
bicycle
Add an article
a bicycle
show examples
, running and
jumbing
Correct your spelling
jumping
, which may lead to one of the most health issues
such
 as obesity and
also
 affecting their vision. To conclude, watching TV can be really enjoyable
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for
children
 but
also
 can affecting on them in so many areas
such
 as
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 communication skills and health.
Submitted by dr.waad.fahad on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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