IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to comsume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree ?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people #comsume
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There are a lot of dairy
products
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such
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 as foods and drinks that have high levels of
sugar
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 in their ingredients, which causes a negative effect on the human body. Some
people
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 think that sugary
products
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 should be made more expensive to push
people
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 to eat less
sugar
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. I disagree with
this
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 statement, there are some reasons to describe why an expensive price is not effective.
Firstly
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, increasing
sugar
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 prices does not really give a fundamental impact on
people
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 to consume
sugar
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 because there are a lot of variances in manufactured food and drink
products
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 in the market.
People
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 still can choose the affordable prices of dairy
products
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 from the market, either online or offline market.
For example
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, if government raise the price of sugary
products
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 in some areas with their governance rules,
people
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 will find another option by searching the
products
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 on the internet which can give them a solution to buy sugary
products
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 from another place.
Secondly
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, it affects the economic problems because manufactured foods and drinks are one of the basic needs of humans.
Furthermore
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, It will cause inflation in terms of economics because it generates a domino effect.
For instance
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, the high price will affect other commodities that will increase other dairy
products
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 in the area. In conclusion, expensive sugary
products
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not an effective solution to decreasing sugary consumption because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will generate other problems in society, especially economic problems. Particularly,
sugar
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 is one of the most important nutrients for our body which contains carbohydrate that helps human do their activities, so consuming
sugar
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 is fundamental.
Submitted by keamplop on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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