IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programme (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programme #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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There is an opinion that high
school
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students
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 should be engaged in voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 as a mandatory part of their
school
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 system. In recent days, under the uncertain social environment, the increasing number of
students
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' lives
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tend to be limited within their small
society
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 between their
school
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 and home. I absolutely agree
to
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with
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 the idea of making voluntary
works
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work
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as
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apply
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a necessary subject in high
school
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, as it can expand their experience in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
Use synonyms
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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 than they usually belong
and
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to and
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also
Linking Words
 they can get various hints for their
future
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 careers.
First
Linking Words
, by making all the
students
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 work as
a volunteers
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a volunteer
volunteers
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at
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in
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 various communities, the
Correct your spelling
students
studnets
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students
 can get precious opportunities to learn how the community outside of their daily lives are structured and how various
people
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 are living
everyday
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every day
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.
For example
Linking Words
, when they work at a senior house taking care of aged
people
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, they can learn how those institutions are being managed and what kind of
people
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 are working there.
Also
Linking Words
, they can experience the issue of
increasing
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an increasing
the increasing
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 number of senior citizens and how those aged
people
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 are facing various problems
everyday
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every day
show examples
 at
first
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 hand. The
second
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 reason I strongly agree that voluntary activities are good for high
school
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students
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 is the benefit it gives when they come to think of their
future
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. Take it
for example
Linking Words
, when they took up an activity to teach sports or mathematics to younger children in their
society
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, they would learn whether or not teaching is something they would like to do for their occupation in the
future
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.
Likewise
Linking Words
, there must be
a
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apply
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plenty of other occasions that they can learn hints for their
future
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 career choices which they cannot get hold of by only studying at
school
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 or talking with their family members. As discussed above, doing voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 at high
school
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 has a great benefit to
students
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' education.
In
Linking Words
particular
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,particular
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 that can teach them how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 is structured, how
people
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 are working
everyday
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every day
show examples
, and what kind of job opportunities are out there after they finish
school
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. In conclusion, I absolutely agree that we should make voluntary work services
as
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apply
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a mandatory part of high
school
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 education.
Submitted by michima2011 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • altruism
  • social responsibility
  • cultivate
  • mandatory
  • detract
  • academic pursuits
  • forced labor
  • ineffective efforts
  • voluntary participation
  • autonomy
  • impactful engagement
  • bridge social divides
  • fostering understanding
What to do next:
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