IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most people believe that stricter punishments should be given for traffic offenses. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, with the increase in population traffic has become a nightmare. Many people urge that stricter punishments should be given for freight violations. I strongly believe in
this
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 trend.
This
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 essay shall discuss the details of my stance with examples in subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, with the rising number of vehicles, stringent freight rules should be considered.
In other words
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, as the standard of living has increased, individuals prefer to commute by personal vehicles and because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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,we find congestion everywhere.
This
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 has resulted in chaos, accidents and an increase in travel time.
For instance
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, As per a report, an average human in a Banglore city has to spend around six to seven hours of their day in traffic.
Hence
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, harsh and reformed transport rule is the need of the hour.
Furthermore
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, each and every individual should be held responsible for their actions.
Additionally
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, more police and CC TVs should be placed in affected areas.
Moreover
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, the fine amount can be increased and offenders should be asked to create social awareness in public and speak on road and transport safety. To cite an example, recently one of my
Brother-in-Law
Correct your spelling
brothers-in-law
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 was imposed with a heavy fine for drink and driving and was forced to speak publicly and do advertisements on road safety.
Thus
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, these rules help make our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 smooth. In conclusion, as discussed, breaking driving rules may lead to loss or harm to human beings. So,stern regulations should to in place to counter the issue.
Therefore
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, I urge all the authorities to take
this
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 into account to make the world a better place to live.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction presents the writer's stance clearly, but needs to introduce the specific points that will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay sufficiently addresses the task, providing a clear response with relevant examples. Ensure the conclusion effectively summarises the writer's position and the key supporting points.
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