IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that by killing someone society is also making a crime, so, that why death penalty should be forbidden. Life in prison would be a better punishment. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays human
life
Use synonyms
 is being protected under the law of justice. Some people prefer
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 in
prison
Use synonyms
 after committing a murder,
while
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 others think that the death penalty should be executed as soon as possible. In my opinion, I disagree that the death penalty should be forbidden and in
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 explain my latter view.
Firstly
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, it is wasting the resources
that
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 provided by the government. As there would be a burden for people to pay taxes in order to keep on the maintenance.
For example
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, those criminals who live in
prison
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 are allowed to use the facilities of
prison
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 as long as they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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. These seemed like living in isolated places where daily basis are provided without paying.
Although
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 they do have some duty work, it was just some simple tasks. So, the resources required would rise as the population of the
life
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-sentenced in
prison
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 forever
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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. 
Besides
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 that, responsibility seems relatively untrustworthy by just being
life
Use synonyms
 in
prison
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 after a precious
life
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 is being ended. There might be some people who plan to kill.
For instance
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, they could hire to kill and search for a scapegoat.
Also
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, if the scapegoat has well behaved as time
passed
Wrong verb form
passes
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, they may
reward
Wrong verb form
be rewarded
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 with a release as an exception.
While
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 the mastermind had gotten away flawlessly and still committed
to
Change preposition
apply
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a crime. In the end, they will not admit it and won't realise their mistake. These endanger the community and may cause future sequela.  In conclusion,
besides
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 the usage of resources could be better in other domains, but
also
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 lack of responsibility after a crime will do harm in the future. In my view, the death penalty should be preserved in order to manage the order publicity and prevent the
life
Use synonyms
 lost.

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task achievement
Your introduction sets up the issue quite well, but the phrasing of your opinion could be clearer. Make sure to articulate clearly whether you agree or disagree in the introduction and briefly outline your main points.
task achievement
While your main points are generally supported, providing more concrete and varied examples would strengthen your argument. For example, cite specific instances or studies where the death penalty has proven to deter crime.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Your ideas sometimes feel disjointed; using connecting phrases or sentences can help build a more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow within paragraphs. Make sure each sentence logically follows from the previous one to create a clear, compelling narrative.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit awkward or unclear. Reread your essay to catch phrasing errors or awkward sentences and revise them accordingly.
task achievement
You have made adequate arguments to support your opinion, demonstrating a good effort to engage with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • moral dilemma
  • rehabilitation
  • deterrent effect
  • wrongful conviction
  • retribution
  • human rights
  • life imprisonment
  • irreversible
  • societal impact
  • justice system
  • ethical considerations
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