IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Something about the education of the young people in the main educational priority of countries. But others believe that educating the adults who cannot read and write is needed by society and we should help more with it. To what extent, do you agree or disagree with their opinion

#education #people #priority #countries #adults #society
Education
 is the best weapon to kill the pejoratives of the
nation
. A pool of thought says that
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 should
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
 on
infant's
Change noun form
infant
show examples
education
. On other hand, a group of people claim that
province
Correct article usage
the province
show examples
 should expedite their annual budget on
adult's
Change noun form
adult
show examples
education
. I firmly stand with the foremost notion. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 today's tot is tomorrow's leader and adult
illiteration
Correct your spelling
alliteration
illiterate
 will diminish in
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
 short term of time.
A
Correct article usage
The
show examples
below mentioned
Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
show examples
 paragraphs will
portrays
Change the verb form
portray
show examples
 my notions. To embark on, the velocity of development of the state
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the literacy rate of
territory
Correct article usage
the territory
show examples
. if, the administration of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
concentrate
Change the verb form
concentrates
show examples
 on
Correct your spelling
kindergarten's
kindergarten
Correct article usage
the kindergaten's
show examples
kindergaten's
Change noun form
kindergaten
show examples
education
 mechanism. It will enhance the number of scholars and that group of people will
accelrate
Correct your spelling
accelerate
 the development.
For instance
, Finland is
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
happiest
nation
 on the globe. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the minor
education
 system of Finland is very strong and
this
 mechanism
remove
Change the verb form
removes
show examples
 the ignorant from adults.
Secondly
, If
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 quality
education
 to kids. It will play a vital role in society
to spread
Change the verb form
spreading
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
awareness
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
.
This
Correct your spelling
phenomena
phenomina
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 will put
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effect on the
adults
Change to a genitive case
adult's
adults'
show examples
age
Fix the infinitive
to age
show examples
 well and they can get literate at home as well with the help of
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
. In
Add an article
a nut
show examples
nut shell
Correct your spelling
nutshell
show examples
, the basic
education
 system is the
Correct your spelling
backbone
show examples
back bone
Correct your spelling
backbone
show examples
 of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 and
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should make
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 expenses on it. Despite
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it they
also
 spread an advertisement for child
education
.
Submitted by US on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: