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Writing Samples
Band 5

The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #maps #show #road #access #city #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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Some changes have been made to the
road
Use synonyms
 to a city hospital.
Overall
Linking Words
, the original hospital
road
Use synonyms
 in 2007 was narrow and intolerable in some ways,
while
Linking Words
 the
one
Use synonyms
 redeveloped in 2010 looks more spacious and well-organized. The old hospital
road
Use synonyms
 from 2007 was not built in a reasonable way in that it had too many bus stops, which was unnecessary.
Besides
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 side of the
road
Use synonyms
 was in unfavourable order since
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
 park for both staff and the public was set in a crowded way. What's worse,
such
Linking Words
 construction might give rise to unwanted accidents and lead to a delay in saving
life
Add an article
a life
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. The redevelopment of the
road
Use synonyms
 in 2010 makes the situation much better. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, hospital staff and other individuals have their own independent car park, which may facilitate their trip.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the new
road
Use synonyms
 has been rebuilt to be more flexible and the past small bus stops have been replaced by a bigger bus station.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the new
road
Use synonyms
 that leads to the city hospital is far better than the old
one
Use synonyms
 and it is of great importance to all the citizens.
Submitted by linjun.su on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words road, one with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic flow
  • road access
  • ring road
  • bus stops
  • bus station
  • congestion
  • parking facilities
  • pedestrian crossings
  • vehicular flow
  • organizational structure
  • accessibility
  • enhancements
  • configuration
  • dedicated
  • diverting traffic
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