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Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city centre with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #work #parks #gardens #city #centre #apartment #buildings #commuters
Its
Correct pronoun usage
Some
show examples
 argued that the local park and
nursery
Fix the agreement mistake
nurseries
show examples
 need replace with residential complexes in order to reduce travel time for all jobs holder near downtown or business
areas
, whiles
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that
this
 is not
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 choice to so. I believe the latter statement because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these recreational
facilities
 are vital to the community and
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 prime benefit of these
facilities
is controls
Change the verb form
is controlled
show examples
urban
Change preposition
of urban
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pollution
 and shelter
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the birds.
Correct your spelling
Playgrounds
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Play grounds
Correct your spelling
Playgrounds
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 and walking
areas
 are important to the community
among
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all ages,
firstly
 for
kids
Add a comma
,kids
show examples
 they can play after school hours to unwind
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
furthermore
 working employers who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 hectic schedule can take walk in
vicinity
Correct article usage
the vicinity
show examples
 walking ground and relieve their stress.
For example
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
urban
Add an article
the urban
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 development authority has
ensure
Change the verb form
ensured
show examples
 that all residential
areas
 are equipped with
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 open ground or public
lawn
Fix the agreement mistake
lawns
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 for these activities.
Thus
 I believe that
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
show examples
 necessary to have Parks in the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 than the residential building.
Other profitable benefit
Change the wording
Another profitable benefit
Other profitable benefits
show examples
 of
this
 kind of
facilities
 can
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
pollution
Change preposition
of pollution
show examples
 to
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 extent and home for birds. It is undeniable that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
urban
areas
 are producing more
pollution
 irrespective of the locality , need less to mention that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
pollution
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to deadly lung diseases,
talking
Correct your spelling
taking
show examples
 public health in consideration we need
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
this
 grounds so that
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of trees can grow to have good oxygen levels. Another prime benefit of
this
 kind of
parks
Fix the agreement mistake
park
show examples
 can
attracts
Change the verb form
attract
show examples
 birds
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes
area
Correct article usage
the area
show examples
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
show examples
 and Pleasant environment. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
although
 it is beneficial for daily communicators to
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
, considering the benefits of
parsk
Correct your spelling
park
parks
 we need to maintain
such
facilities
.
Submitted by kadem.naresh286 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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