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Band 7.5

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to family, friend, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative developement?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friend #businesses #developement
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In the modern era, a myriad of society takes advantage of the internet and their mobile phones in order to make a transaction and send money to different people. From my perspective,
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 new technology has many merits, which can enhance an individual's lifestyle. There are several reasons why it is beneficial.
Initially
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,
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 development has a huge impact on declining the amount of time which could be wasted.
For instance
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, In past decades, people had to visit their own banks in order to make a transaction.
In addition
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, the use of the internet could reduce pollution and improve the quality of air.
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, there would be needless for society to commute between places for a single money transfer and the loads on the streets could be declined.
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, there is an ability to track the transaction and cancel it whenever it is necessary to get the money back.
On the other hand
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, there might be some demerits which could put people's accounts at risk.
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, the elderly could be conveniently deceived by phishing emails and they could be known as a fraud criminal because of their lack of awareness. Following
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, there might be a majority of cyber viruses, which could hack the older community's account. The other disadvantage of
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 method is that ones could face the situation that they have no access to the internet, which makes things complicated. In conclusion, a large percentage of the population are great consumers of banks' online services, and I consider the benefits of using
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 system to outweigh its detriments.
Submitted by ghazalegholamnia on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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