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Band 2.5

Obesity is now a major global epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

#obesity #epidemic
Nowadays, one of the global issues
which
Correct word choice
that
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 young and elderly people face
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is obesity. It may be either due to
time
 spent sitting in front of a screen or following
diet
Correct article usage
a diet
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. Apart from the causes of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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obesity
Add a comma
,obesity
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 it has adverse effects on people who are suffering
it
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from it
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. To solve
this
 issue, suggested
to limit
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limiting
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 screen
time
 and
to avoid
Change the verb form
avoiding
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 junk food.
First
 of all, keep track of the
time
, that
children
 spend watching TV.
Children
 do not know
time
Add an article
the time
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, which should
be spend
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be spent
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 watching television,
because
Correct word choice
and because
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 of
this
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 have to restrict
the
Change the word
their
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time
,
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 in front of
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
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.
Also
, parents should try to spend more
time
 outside with their
children
, as
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
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 beneficial for both sides. Walking on
regular
Add an article
a regular
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 basis
,
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apply
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 will keep fit
both
Change preposition
in both
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 age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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,
however
Add a comma
,however
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 at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
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 parents should monitor
Correct pronoun usage
their child
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child
Change noun form
child's
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 nutrition.
Last
 but not the least, limit unhealthy foods in the household. If parents bring unhealthy foods into the household,
children
 may be more likely to eat them. Even though, we all know about the negative impact of those foods, we could not avoid them because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 lip-smacking taste and delicious appearance. The truth behind
that is
, used several aromas and artificial
appearance
Fix the agreement mistake
appearances
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will
malfunctioning
Change the verb form
malfunction
be malfunctioning
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our hormones and, probably, lead to obesity. Avoiding
this
 kind of
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
 will keep people slim enough.
Submitted by yokubjon_nurullaev on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • epidemic
  • balanced diet
  • nutritional labeling
  • public recreational spaces
  • community sports programs
  • food advertising regulations
  • medical professionals
  • workplace wellness programs
  • mental health support
  • sugary drinks tax
  • consumer choices
  • affordable and accessible
  • health organizations
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