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Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
Concerning medical
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
such
 as
diabeses
Correct your spelling
diabetes
,some people believe that food
contains
Correct pronoun usage
that contains
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
sugar
 should be sold
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct your spelling
higher
Correct article usage
a higer
show examples
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 to reduce
sugar
Correct your spelling
consumption
cunsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
. I personally,
however
, disagree with
such
 an opinion, because it is not practical to decide how much
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 should
be raises
Change the verb form
be raised
show examples
 for each product, and because the effect of
price
Correct your spelling
change
chage
Correct your spelling
change
 would be limited similar to other highly taxed commodities
such
 as
Correct your spelling
tobacco
tabaco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
.
First
 of all,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of sugary products,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the amount of
sugar
 contained in them differs significantly from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
product to product.
Therefore
, it is extremely difficult to determine the method of
price
 adjusting.
For example
, cold drink
such
 as coke contains relatively much
sugar
 in the
ammount
Correct your spelling
amount
, whereas the percentage of
sugar
 is not higher as water dilutes it.
On the other hand
, the proportion of sweet ingredients in candy is high, even though the gram of
sugar
 for each candy is minimal. If the government taxed in accordance with the amount of
sugar
, we could not buy seven-up at the vending machine because of the sharp
price
 raising, but it is not acceptable for not only many big beverage companies, but
also
 general consumers.
Secondly
, as can be seen in the cigarette industry,
price
 raising might not make
Add an article
the
show examples
result as expected. In spite of several tax increases, smokers never stop going to tobacco shops because they can not quit smoking. Like nicotine in tobacco,
sugar
 has an addictive effect, so people would continue to buy sweet snacks despite significant raising in
price
 or imposing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high taxes. In summary, the proposal to
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
 the
price
 of sweets is not practical and effective. Nowadays, more and more people are caring about their health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and improving their diet by eating more proteins or vegetables. To reduce serious health concerns by
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
sugar
, continual education regarding healthy lifestyles is the most essential.
Submitted by t.watanabe on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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