IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on arts such as Music and Painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #focus #services #arts #music
This
 is undeniable that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
 spend a lot of their revenue to improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 and shape of
art
 ,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 music and painting rather than improving
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 condition of the country. From my perspective,
Correct your spelling
policymakers
show examples
policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
show examples
 should build up their priorities according to
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
show examples
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 and
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 development of the country. They should give more emphasis on public service.
First
 and foremost, in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations, one can find ,
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 has invested
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 budget in
art
 and craft.
for instance
, valuable
painting
Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
show examples
 in streets and
museusms
Correct your spelling
museums
, sculptures and expensive architects.
On the other hand
, these
countries
 are witnessing
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 overwhelming burden on
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 care
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
, poor road
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
,
devastating
Correct word choice
and devastating
show examples
 education
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
. Leaders should regulate their budget
accordingly
 and improve
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and education system.
However
, there are few developed
countries
 which strengthen their
services
 for
Correct your spelling
general
Correct article usage
the geneeral
show examples
geneeral
Correct your spelling
general
 public, like
germany
Change the capitalization
Germany
show examples
 and UK.
Although
,
art
 and craft
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
important, because
these
Change the determiner
this potray heritage
show examples
potray
Correct your spelling
portray
 heritage of the
nation
 and express traditions and cultures,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
public
services
 are more important than
art
.
Besides
, a
nation
 can survive without
art
, while
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 community
Correct your spelling
services
service
srvices
Correct your spelling
services
, it is quite impossible.
Therefore
, Government should build public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
, improve road
Correct your spelling
conditions
condition
condtion
Correct your spelling
conditions
, provide quality education, and spend money on community health. There are counties which
enriched
Add a missing verb
are enriched
show examples
 with culture and tradition but unable to improve their community ,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 Egypt,
Brazil
Correct word choice
and Brazil
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
Additionally
Additional
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, improvements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 general
services
 will improve overall society holistically, and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
civilized society can grow
prosporously
Correct your spelling
prosperously
prosperous
. To conclude, in my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should focus on
wholesome
Add an article
the wholesome
show examples
 development of a
nation
 by giving importance
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 both, but they have to prioritize their need.
In other words
, whereas, developed
countries
 can give emphasis on their
art
 and culture, developing and underdeveloped
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 should mainly focus on their public
services
.
Submitted by ratnamalabej93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: