IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academc, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken ot reduce these pressures.

#children #pressure #academc #perspective #pressures #measures #ot
These days young adults are struggling to handle
stress
, from their education, peers as well as
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commercial perspective. The reasons behind
this
 include clout,
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 of trying to fit in, securing a better job in the mere future and
lastly
 the desire to achieve more.Despite all these causes of
stress
, there can be solutions implemented which include education, motivation as well as counselling.
Firstly
 clout can cause social
stress
 for
children
.
This
 can be quite difficult to overcome. Young adults feel outcasted if they feel like they do not fit in.
This
 might be due to failure to possess
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 gadgets
such
 as phones, having a flashy life with owning a sports car as well as going
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 vacations. When these are regarded as the essentials of today, young adults who fail to possess all these might result in having social pressure.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 parents can assist their
children
 if they do have .
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 if it
also
 means that they might not afford to support financially their
children
, emotional support might be the best solution.
This
 will help
children
 to manage their lives very well.
In addition
, the idea of securing a better job in the future tends to cause academic
stress
.
This
 forces
children
 to study too many subjects than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal, with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 thought that it improves
chances
Correct pronoun usage
their chances
show examples
 of being enrolled at a better university. Other students tend to end up in dilemmas between their passions and better salaries. The solution to
this
 is
Correct your spelling
education
educaion
Correct your spelling
education
.Seniors , lecturers,
advisors
Correct word choice
and advisors
show examples
 can play a role in addressing
this
 issue so that
children
 acquire the right knowledge to eliminate bad
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
.
Commercial
Correct article usage
The commercial
show examples
 perspective can cause
stress
 to
children
 as they desire to have more goods
such
 as toys. The solution to
this
 can be appropriate discipline by the parents as well as guardians. In conclusion, in
this
 day and age
children
 are facing more
stress
 from
academic
Add an article
an academic
show examples
, social and commercial
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
.
Submitted by sithembinkosimandunguza64 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: