IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people say that the way we communicate has improved because of advances in technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #advances #technology
Nowadays, as the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 prosperity grows, technological
devices
 play an important role in our
life
. We all inevitably have to use mobile phones, tablets and computers for our profession.
Moreover
, these
devices
 connect
people
 from all walks of
life
 and
thus
 it is generally held that the development of technology enhances the ability to communicate in today’s
life
.
This
 essay partially agrees with the aforementioned statement and provides a set of reasons to support
this
 point of view before the conclusion is reached. It is undeniable that IT
devices
 enrich
people
 to converse conveniently and effectively.
People
 are spending a lot of time using these technologies
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for their vocational purposes.
Firstly
, it is easy to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other
people
 from every corner of the world via social media platforms.
Secondly
, there are several things on the internet that encourage individuals to practice languages
such
 as games, movies or online courses.
Last
 but not least, for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 purposes, these
devices
 help
people
 to convey messages to foreign residents effortlessly.
However
, it is without a doubt that these
devices
 unavoidably come with various negative consequences.
People
 can easily be addicted
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 these technologies and occur many problems. To be more explicit, many have less association with other
people
 in their
life
. They are focusing on the phone
instead
 of paying attention to their friends or family.
Furthermore
, there is no awareness of body
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
show examples
 when using these
devices
 to communicate.
This
 is due to the fact that they are used to
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
 via phones and had no physical interaction with others. To summarize, technologies encourage
people
 to gain more linguistic proficiency and communicate conveniently.
On the other hand
, many negative aspects existed.
Therefore
,
this
 essay partially agrees that IT
devices
 improve the method we communicate in our
life
. Different
people
 have different reasons which are all valid in their own judgement. No matter what the reasons are, it is indispensable to acquire communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 which is a valuable
asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets
show examples
 for
people
.
Submitted by Jaranrat170 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • efficient
  • accessible
  • inclusive
  • video conferencing
  • geographical barriers
  • reliance
  • reduction
  • personal interactions
  • immediacy
  • misinformation
  • misinterpretation
  • body language
  • tone of voice
  • global collaborations
  • fostered
  • readily available
What to do next:
Look at other essays: