In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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There is a fact that there is an increasing number of adults
having
Change the form of the verb
have

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb having. Consider changing it.

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completed their education and found jobs
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb choose. Consider changing it.

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to live with their
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In my opinion, even though
this
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tendency may have merits, the disadvantages
also
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are included and may overshadow them;
this
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essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views

The singular countable noun view follows the quantifier both, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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and give my supporting ideas for my point of view. On the one hand, it is undeniable that living with parental help contains several benefits.
First
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of all, many graduated students may be able to avoid the pressure
in
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of

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finding
a
Correct article usage
apply

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Correct your spelling
accommodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation

If you don’t want accomodation to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
by themselves as their
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Correct your spelling
accommodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation

If you don’t want accomodation to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
is already available for them without any rental payment.
For example
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, when a young adult
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduates

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and
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts

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a new
life
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by himself, he can easily become
a
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apply

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homeless person because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack

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of money to afford to rent a house.
Therefore
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,
the
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apply

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support from his
parents
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may be necessary as they may provide
a
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apply

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shelter for him to accommodate.
However
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, people who live with their
parents
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even after education may develop their mental health slower compared to the ones that live independently as adults that are
live
Replace the word
life

The word live doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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dependently on their
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are still under
the
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apply

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observation and being taken care
by
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of by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, which is relevant to big babies and make them
hardly
Replace the word
harder

The word hardly doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to be grown-up.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
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trend comes with some more major disadvantages. Often, adults become more and more dependent on their guardians for the tasks that should have been done by themselves. They are not able to cope with
personal
Add an article
the personal
a personal

The noun phrase personal and social issue seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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and social
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues

It seems that issue may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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without seeking
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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parental help almost all the time.
This
Linking Words

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proves to be detrimental in their later
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

when people are not able to manage on their own.
Furthermore
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, becoming emotionally dependent and suffering from mental health issues in the future are
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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concerns. It takes them a long period of time to learn to live on their own and adapt
a
Change preposition
to a

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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new environment because of being used to staying in their comfort zone for
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a long time.
This
Linking Words

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makes them incompetent and they are
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, often pushed back in the race of
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In conclusion, it is clear that living with family only
postpone
Correct subject-verb agreement
postpones

It seems that the verb postpone does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the development of individuals than helping them. So, I strongly believe that the disadvantages of
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a living arrangement
outweighs
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outweigh

The singular verb outweighs does not appear to agree with the plural subject the disadvantages of such a living arrangement. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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the advantages, and
thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, more and more people should start
a
Change the article
an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word independent.

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independent
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cohabitation
  • intergenerational living
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial stability
  • maturation
  • dependency
  • socio-economic factors
  • familial dynamics
  • personal autonomy
  • housing affordability
  • cultural expectations
  • life trajectory
  • emotional resilience
  • nuclear family
  • joint family system
  • economic prudence
  • privacy concerns
  • social stigma
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