IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Criminals commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to resolve this problem?

#criminals #crimes #first #punishment #measures
We live in an age when criminals are highly prone to re-offend against the law after being released from prison. Owing to the fact that the motion has always been vigorously debated, in
this
 essay, I will discuss low-quality rehabilitation services and lack of practical experience as the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the problem, as well as possible solutions, including improving a system, aimed at prisoner’s moral compass recovery, and teaching them specific job skills.
To begin
 with, integrating an individual back into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is, indeed, one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 most vital aims of a penitentiary,
however
 numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
facilities fail to reach the goal either due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
limited financing or lack of management capabilities.
Therefore
, being imprisoned in small spaces, where dullness, constant physical and emotional abuse, lack of activities and lifeless eyes of fellow detainees create an oppressive atmosphere, which not only does not contribute to the culprits’ recovery
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 grows hatred and fierce in them. An increasing number of news reporting about violence toward those serving their sentence should serve as an evident example of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
maladministration.
Furthermore
, it is
a common knowledge
Remove the article
common knowledge
a piece of common knowledge
show examples
, crimes are generally committed under
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain circumstances,
such
 as poverty. After leaving prison,
human
Correct article usage
a human
show examples
 being finds him or
herself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 right where it all started with no money or support, and
Add a missing verb
is labeled
show examples
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
show examples
 by a local community as a menace and outsider with no job opportunities. Undoubtfully,
such
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 is very likely to break the law again. To my way of thinking,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
an interventions
Correct the article-noun agreement
interventions
an intervention
show examples
 set, aimed at re-educating criminals in terms of
ethic
Fix the agreement mistake
ethics
show examples
 and morality, teaching them wrong from right, is urgently needed. To set an example, they can be offered sessions with a psychologist to cope with potential childhood trauma,
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law-breakers suffer from. What is more, culprits should be given a model of the appropriate
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 patterns, commonly accepted in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, as well as explained carefully that the result of following
this
 model is a decent life in a normally functioning community. It is crucial for a criminal to be treated with respect and have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hope for being happy after release
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if only he or she lives within the law.
Last
 but not least, it is highly recommended to train individuals with useful professional skills, required to gain
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
employment, plumber or tailor could be a great idea
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since these are occupations in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
constant high demand. Taking into account everything mentioned above, I am firmly convinced that the authorities will not be able to tackle
this
 issue, unless they upgrade correctional facilities for the sentenced ones, along with motivating them to acquire new practical
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 in
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 activities.
Submitted by thunderbird1728 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: