IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Write about the following topic. Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#topic #people #time #hobbies #case #effect #society
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In the contemporary world,
people
Use synonyms
 are working like machines and they don’t have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to separate for leisure
activities
Use synonyms
. Out of the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
population
Add a comma
,population
show examples
 a limited amount of
people
Use synonyms
 have
time
Use synonyms
 for
hobbies
Use synonyms
. There are many reasons for
this
Linking Words
 situation and due to
this
Linking Words
people
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 as well as individuals face numerous effects.
This
Linking Words
 essay will highlight the causes and the effect
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 neglect
hobbies
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. In
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 years, our ancestors had different
pasttime
Correct your spelling
pastime
past time
activities
Use synonyms
 to live their
life
Use synonyms
 to the fullest, for an instance, collecting stamps was an amateur interest
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
, today
this
Linking Words
 trend
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 declined and
people
Use synonyms
 no longer have
hobbies
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. The most prominent reason for
this
Linking Words
 is, humans are working towards money,
since
Correct word choice
and since
show examples
 the market price is rising rapidly
people
Use synonyms
 have to compete with these prices. Due to
this
Linking Words
 society have no spare
time
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 to participate in leisure
activities
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 another reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 humans are addicted to social media applications,
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they have made
facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
show examples
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 their
hobbies
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. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, today school
children
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doesn’t
Change the verb form
don’t
show examples
 participate in sports
activities
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, just after coming home they
login
Correct your spelling
log in
show examples
 to their social media apps to play a game or search for
gossips
Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as a consequence of neglecting
hobbies
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, especially
children
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 are facing numerous challenges in their
life
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,
such
Linking Words
 as half of the world is having high obesity rates and diabetes.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
 humans are falling apart from their health and they don’t enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
 like in the past, due to
this
Linking Words
 society
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a whole is having depression which is a serious
Use synonyms
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
 situation nowadays. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, according to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research half of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australian
children
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 are facing depression and those groups of
children
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 are not participating in any
activities
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. In conclusion, I would like to mention that, we should continue what our parents taught us, so we will not face serious issues in the future.
Hobbies
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 are invented
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
people
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 because it leads
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
spare
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 us to enjoy our
life
Use synonyms
 even
we
Correct word choice
if we
show examples
 are having busy schedules.
Submitted by wathsala.lekamge1997 on

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The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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