IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that good health is a basic human need and the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do disadvantages outweigh advantages? Give your opinion.

#people #health #service #companies
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It is true that nowadays there is an increasing
number
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 of privately-operated
healthcare
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services
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besides
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 public agencies.
While
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 there exist several drawbacks to the
services
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 of these
private-owned
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privately owned
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 firms, I believe they are eclipsed by the substantial benefits. On the one hand, it is understandable why
people
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 disapprove of medical treatment provided by profit-makers. The key rationale is attributed to the expensive equipment used in these
hospitals
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 or clinics
along with
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 the exorbitant prices that patients have to cover.
Additionally
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,
due to
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 the major aim of maximizing profits, these firms may raise the costs of their
services
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such
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 as prescription fees or surgery prices.
This
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 may act as a contributor to the inaccessibility
to
Change preposition
of
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 medical care
of
Change preposition
for
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people
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 who live under the poverty line, which prevents them from receiving the most effective cure.
For example
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, the USA is a typical example of an excessively unfair and inaccessible
healthcare
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due to
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 the privatization of
such
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factor
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factors
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. Meanwhile, the UK offers a National Health Service that delivers universal
healthcare
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.
On the other hand
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, notwithstanding the aforementioned disadvantages, I would argue that private
healthcare
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 is still an optimal choice for
people
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. The foremost reason is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 large
number
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 of experienced practitioners working in these companies. In order to gain profits, these
hospitals
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also
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 need to boost their service quality to attract more customers. They spend a flood of funding on taking on veteran doctors and surgeons aiming to
prove
Verb problem
provide
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 patients with excellent
services
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.
Furthermore
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, the cleanliness of medical
services
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 and the generous capacity of these companies are the reasons why they are quite popular among
people
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 despite the high costs. Hong Ngoc
hospital
Capitalize word
Hospital
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 in Hanoi perfectly exemplifies
this
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 choice of patients. Compared to some public
hospitals
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 with
the
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apply
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overloading and
the
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apply
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poor sanitation,
this
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 hospital offers a wide range of sickrooms which are sterilized daily and a
number
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 of considerate
staffs
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staff
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, which is equivalent to the costs. In conclusion,
while
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 the demerits attached to private medical
services
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 are definite, I believe with the
number
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 of seasoned doctors and
the
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apply
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adequate cleanliness, these
hospitals
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 still have more merits than
the
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apply
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negative ones.
Submitted by jannatulferdous2011 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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