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Band 5

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#factors #people #workforce #money #reason #factor
No doubt, strong
motivation
 constantly leads you
work
Add the particle
to work
show examples
 hard in a company or institution which in return
generate
Correct subject-verb agreement
generates
show examples
 fruitful results and outcomes not only for the company or institution but for the
employees
 themselves.
Correct your spelling
According
Accoding
Correct your spelling
According
 to some
people
, among several other factors, income is
one
 important reason to keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees
 motivated on a
Correct your spelling
regular
regualar
Correct your spelling
regular
 basis. I,
however
, partially agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 argument because I believe whatever money
one
 earns cannot fulfil
one
's psychological needs. According to
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
 indigenous saying, the more you earn, the
more needy
Replace the words
needier
show examples
 you become.
The earning
Correct article usage
Earning
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not a strong motivational factor to let you
work
 in an honest way in a firm but a satisfied mind is. As
people
 have basic needs
such
 as food, clothes, apartment, education and health and etc., they need
handsome
Add an article
a handsome
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to fulfil these
humanly
Change the adverb
human
show examples
 requirements in order to have a healthy and cheerful life. If
one
 does not earn
sufficient
Correct article usage
a sufficient
show examples
 amount of rupees for
such
 basic things,
one
 will constantly remain stressed and depressed
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and is ever ready to quit
this
 job if he finds
one
 with
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
salary
 package. Until,
Correct your spelling
healthy
Correct article usage
a healty
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healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 amount is paid to the
people
, who are not
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thirst of collecting pennies after pennies, which is enough for
basic
Correct article usage
a basic
show examples
 lifestyle, they will stay motivated.
Moreover
, while
handsome
Correct article usage
a handsome
show examples
salary
 is
one
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
employees
'
motivation
, there are several other important factors
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
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 to be considered which can have
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 impact on their
motivation
such
 as
job-security
Correct your spelling
job security
show examples
 and respect. Say,
one
 is paid
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
 more
salary
, but is not sure until when he is in
this
 job, he will definitely be looking for other opportunities;
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 is the case with respect: if the authorities in the institute
disrespects
Change the verb form
disrespect
show examples
 its
employees
, they again will not want to
work
 in that institution.
On the contrary
, the same
people
 may be ready to
work
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 if
job-security
Correct your spelling
job security
show examples
 and respect are guaranteed. Though money matters,
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
 environment has much more
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on
employees
' working approaches. Summing up, along with
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 remunerations required to pay
employees
 everyday expenditures, psychological needs need to be fulfilled to boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
morale regularly and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivation
Replace the word
motor
show examples
 constantly.
Submitted by i.linguist1 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • career advancement
  • pension
  • job satisfaction
  • sense of purpose
  • social connections
  • workplace relationships
  • intellectual stimulation
  • societal norms
  • earning potential
  • motivation
  • livelihood
  • financial independence
  • professional growth
What to do next:
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