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Some people think that school children should have extra lessons after school, while others think they should spend their free time playing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #lessons #time
Many
parents
 want to have great education for their
children
, and their ambitions are not limited to schools only. There are many
lessons
 and courses available for
children
 nowadays,
furthermore
, they are
also
 becoming competitive
among
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other. Do they need enough playing
time
 today? In
this
 essay, I will examine both views and benefits of having more playing
time
.
First
 of all, some
parents
 are so demanding that their
children
 are very busy with many activities and
lessons
 for
entire
Add an article
an entire
the entire
show examples
 week. Even though some
children
 can cope with their schedules well, some
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 could not meet their
parents
' demands. There are fun
lessons
 like swimming, dancing and singing, which are very enjoyable to learn. But some advanced
lessons
 like foreign languages are uneasy for them. In some cases, their exam results are improved at their schools after taking new
lessons
. Despite their achievement, they are usually tired and depressed due to their busy schedule.
On the other hand
, some
parents
 are very
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
,
moreover
, they want to spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
quality
time
 with their kids while their age
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still young. So they don't really push their
children
 with extra
lessons
 so that their
children
 can learn new things and play with them or
friends
Correct pronoun usage
their friends
show examples
 freely.
Besides
, those
children
 perform well at their school because
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 fitness level is better compared
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others who
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
show examples
 playing
time
. Not only their creativity is increased due to lower stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 but
also
 their exam results are getting better. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
 should provide their
children
 with free playing
time
instead
 of sending them to extra
lessons
 after school unless
that is
 really essential or based on their
children
's willingness.
Besides
, the
parents
 will not have
time
 to play with their
children
 when they are in university.
Submitted by tthtoonmm on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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