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Band 5

Some people think that school children should have extra lessons after school, while others think they should spend their free time playing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #lessons #time
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Many
parents
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 want to have great education for their
children
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, and their ambitions are not limited to schools only. There are many
lessons
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 and courses available for
children
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 nowadays,
furthermore
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, they are
also
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 becoming competitive
among
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with
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 each other. Do they need enough playing
time
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 today? In
this
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 essay, I will examine both views and benefits of having more playing
time
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.
First
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 of all, some
parents
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 are so demanding that their
children
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 are very busy with many activities and
lessons
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 for
entire
Add an article
an entire
the entire
show examples
 week. Even though some
children
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 can cope with their schedules well, some
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 could not meet their
parents
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' demands. There are fun
lessons
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 like swimming, dancing and singing, which are very enjoyable to learn. But some advanced
lessons
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 like foreign languages are uneasy for them. In some cases, their exam results are improved at their schools after taking new
lessons
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. Despite their achievement, they are usually tired and depressed due to their busy schedule.
On the other hand
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, some
parents
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 are very
open minded
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open-minded
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,
moreover
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, they want to spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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quality
time
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 with their kids while their age
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still young. So they don't really push their
children
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 with extra
lessons
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 so that their
children
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 can learn new things and play with them or
friends
Correct pronoun usage
their friends
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 freely.
Besides
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, those
children
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 perform well at their school because
the
Change the word
their
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 fitness level is better compared
than
Change preposition
to
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 others who
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
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enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
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 playing
time
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. Not only their creativity is increased due to lower stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 but
also
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 their exam results are getting better. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
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 should provide their
children
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 with free playing
time
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instead
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 of sending them to extra
lessons
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 after school unless
that is
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 really essential or based on their
children
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's willingness.
Besides
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, the
parents
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 will not have
time
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 to play with their
children
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 when they are in university.
Submitted by tthtoonmm on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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