Shopping is the favorite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#time #activity #people #activities

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Many teenagers nowadays spent their free

time

shopping rather than playing games or studying.

This

is not only because social media has influenced their lifestyle, but

also

the way online shoppers encouraged its customer to buy

things

more than ever. In my view, young

people

should have more outdoor

activities

, whether it is social or physical that will enhance their soft skills as well as social skills.

Firstly

, social networks

such

as Instagram and Facebook have enabled

people

to access unlimited content from all over the world.

As a result

, it unconsciously changed

people

’s lifestyles which are highly correlated with how they spent their money.

In other words

, many young

people

are adopting each other lifestyle and

this

results in more shopping

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

For example

, every

time

I see my friends upload their new stuff, I'm

also

amazed and want to buy the same stuff.

Secondly

, advertisements from online markets have impacted young

people

to buy

things

more than before.

This

way will encourage

people

to buy

things

impulsively.

For instance

, whenever I open an e-commerce app, there will be a section namely “product recommendation for you” that triggered me to scroll and buy

things

I did not even need.

However

, I personally believe that the young generation should have more offline

activities

that enabled them to have social interaction with others. Any sports

activities

or pro-bono community is highly recommended for teenagers to be able to develop their social skills.

Thus

, it will be more beneficial for young

people

to have

this

kind of activity rather than spent

time

shopping. To conclude, I believe that teenagers' shopping

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

is affected by several media including social media and advertisements from

an online sellers

Correct the article-noun agreement

online sellers

an online seller

show examples

. But it will be better if they spend their free

time

doing outdoor

activities

that would benefit them in the long run.

Submitted by aulia.muthia on Thu Nov 03 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

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