When choosing a job, while some people think that the salary is the most important thing to be taken into consideration, others have a diverse view. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In contemporary society, individuals mainly opt to earn money in their employment because it is essential,

while

Linking Words

others argue that it is crucial for people to work on their passion jobs. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will illustrate the two points of view and provide my own perspective. On the one hand, earning good finance can provide people with demands

such

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as travelling around the world, affording new houses, enjoying time with families, or even sending children overseas for their education.

For instance

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, a lot of parents nowadays tend to encourage their offspring to foreign countries, even though kids are not happy or fond of living by themselves in a new environment.

However

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, international nations

such

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as Australia, which has more job opportunities and the currency are wealthier if their children send money back to their hometown.

Thus

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, so money somehow is still vitally important in

such

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undeveloped territories.

On the other hand

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, discussing mental

health

Use synonyms

or emotional stability is the core of

this

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community.

Firstly

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, employees would not be happy if they had to engage in irrelevant majors or were not passionate about jobs that probably can torture everyone's mental or enjoyment.

For example

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according to

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the

health

Use synonyms

department, the rate of depression among graduate pupils is soaring in Asians,

due to

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parents forcing their kids to work in a workforce that parents aim for.

In addition

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, they will not work effectively at workplaces if they are not keen on their careers and do not

last

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long in a long-term commitment. So, It is best to operate in a fun job to create more effects for employees and for industries.

To sum up

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, having said that earning a high salary is significant to be able to have a good quality life.

However

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, it

also

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is vital to have positive or stable mental

health

Use synonyms

because

health

Use synonyms

condition is the most commitment in the long term of society.

hang.lun130999Wed Mar 05 2025

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task achievement

Ensure your introduction clearly states your position and briefly outlines what each side will discuss.

coherence and cohesion

Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay, especially between sentences and ideas.

task achievement

Expand on your examples to provide more detail and context, making them more relevant and specific to reinforce your arguments.

task achievement

You have highlighted both views clearly and presented your own perspective, which is essential for this type of essay.

coherence and cohesion

Your concern for mental health and job satisfaction is timely and relevant, demonstrating an awareness of current societal issues.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

316 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
quality of life
basic needs
save for the future
afford luxuries
sign of success
self-esteem
social status
job satisfaction
long-term happiness
emotional well-being
fulfilling job
higher productivity
sense of accomplishment
work-life balance
flexible working hours
remote work opportunities
good benefits
health insurance
retirement plans
professional development opportunities
subjective
individual needs
life circumstances

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When choosing a job, while some people think that the salary is the most important thing to be taken into consideration, others have a diverse view. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that increasing business and cultural contacts worldwide have positive influences on development; others think that they have negative effects on national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

Your ID card has been stolen. Write to the Local Police Station, giving details of who you are what happened ask what you should do to get a new ID card

as the world population increases, genetically modified crops are becoming essential to meet rising demands for food. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?