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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a person’s culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that has only a minor influence. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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In the present age, there has been going a debate
whether
Change preposition
on whether

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 a person’s
culture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 should be defined by their country of origin. Many humans may assert that
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 thesis is truthful, whereas
plethora
Add an article
a plethora

The noun phrase plethora seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 of others might argue that person’s
hometown
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 has only a minor impact on one’s
culture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
essay
Add a comma
,essay

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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 both of
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

further
Correct article usage
the further

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 mentioned views will be discussed.
First
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of all, when a human being is young he is in
condition
Add an article
the condition
a condition

The noun phrase condition seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 of a quick-learning, collecting all specifics of behaviour from others. To be more exact, a person is in a phase of exploring the world when being in their youth, which results
into
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the most flexible condition for an individual’s
culture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to form.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, children would often copy
actions
Correct article usage
the actions

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 of the ones they see constantly,
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, teachers, parents or close friends. That leads to the point that a young person takes an example from people spinning around them and reflects their habits.
Consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
country
Correct article usage
the country

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 of origin deeply
Replace the word
affects
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effects
Correct your spelling
affects

The word effects doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 a kid, since his perception of the world is more sensitive.
In contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many people sincerely believe that a
hometown
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 does not define
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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most of
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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culture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, but the actions
Correct your spelling
experienced
exprenienced
Correct your spelling
experienced

If you don’t want exprenienced to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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life do. If some kind of experience had a profound impact on a person his pattern of attitude could change, replacing
principals
Correct your spelling
principles

The word principals doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, beliefs and even the whole personality with a different one. As an example, if
Correct your spelling
lived
I lived
llived
Correct your spelling
lives

If you don’t want llived to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in a completely different country from a
hometown
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 a human can be attracted to the new country’s way of living more, rather than to the origin’s one. Considering the discussion above I tend to believe that the
hometown
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is quite more influential to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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one’s
culture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker since. Consider removing the comma.

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 since the childhood phase is more impactable to the attitude formation.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural norms
  • Values
  • Traditions
  • Practices
  • Festivities
  • Cuisine
  • Language
  • Religion
  • Beliefs
  • Social systems
  • Institutions
  • Globalization
  • Media influence
  • Multicultural societies
  • Migration
  • Personal choices
  • Experiences
  • Education
  • Knowledge exchange
  • Economic factors
  • Homogenized
  • Cultural identity
  • Geographically concentrated
  • Individualism
  • Collectivism
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