IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People change their career and place of residence several times during their life. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #change #career #place #residence #times #life #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduates always choose to work in big cities like Shanghai or Beijing. They have to rent an apartment and have to
change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 residence when they
change
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
jobs
. There is a fierce debate about whether it’s a good development or not for employees. In my perspective, the advantages of changing
jobs
 and
residences
 outweigh its disadvantages.
To begin
 with, the
first
 advantage of changing
jobs
 and addresses is that men and women could get
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. In the fast
develop
Replace the word
developed
show examples
 society, employees normally get
Add an article
a promotion
the promotion
show examples
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 by changing their
jobs
. In that way, they can better understand the principle of the position and they can get
well
Change preposition
along well
show examples
 with colleagues who do the same
jobs
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 them.
Moreover
, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job seekers have the luck to find a job that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 suitable for them, when they feel hard to adjust to the atmosphere of the
company
, they would
change
 the situation by changing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs
.
In addition
, moving house could let people know the cities better, as they deeply live a life in the place.
However
, there are
also
 many disadvantages when people
change
 their careers and places of
residences
Fix the agreement mistake
residence
show examples
.
Firstly
, it will leave a bad impression
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human resources management. The
company
 may think of the employee as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person who will not stay
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the position for a long time.
Secondly
, it will influence the benefits of the
company
. The
company
 should always find and train the employees, which will impact the efficiency of
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
 and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the cost. At the same time, changing
residences
 will lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of
strange
Replace the word
strangeness
show examples
 between the graduates and their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, every
change
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs
 and locations is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 wasteful but carefully considered. So in my view,
although
 there are some side -effects, it is still worthwhile for youngsters to
change
 careers and
residences
.
Submitted by 18758021387 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: