IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #world #work #schools #teenagers #time #subjects
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In recent years, schools have blended
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 working
experience
 into their curriculum for teenage
students
.
However
, some people think that adolescents are too young to grasp the idea of
work
, so there should be a limit on
this
. Personally, I completely disagree with the statement and I think it is beneficial to let
students
experience
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 environment as part of their education
First
 of all, children are fully capable of understanding the meaning of
work
 given the right conditions and instructions. Take German schools
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, some give a chance for their secondary
students
 to
work
 with organizations to do fund-raising for charity and their high schoolers to actually
work
 in a factory. Throughout the process, teachers and companies constantly monitor, supervise and give feedback.
As a result
, it is reported that
students
 show
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 level of engagement and dedication, which means teenagers can comprehend to a great extent the concept of working with the help and support from all parties.
Secondly
,
students
 gain distinctive advantages in life. Indeed, employers preferably seek
for
Change preposition
apply
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ones with not only appealing qualifications but
also
 certified
work
experience
.
This
 means the
students
 who finish their working trip will have more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 to land a good and well-paid job in
this
 competitive labour market.
In addition
, when juveniles
work
, even as trivial as printing paper or collecting
Fix the agreement mistake
mail
show examples
mails
Correct your spelling
emails
show examples
, they are more likely to come to appreciate things around them provided by their parents. They will see how making money and providing for
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
 can take
sweats
Fix the agreement mistake
sweat
show examples
, hearts and tears by experiencing
work
 themselves.
Consequently
, I believe that that will give them compelling motivation to study hard. In conclusion, it is sensible for
students
 to gain
work
experience
 along with their academic
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 because real-life experiences benefit our
students
 in ways that will
last
 beyond graduation.
Submitted by siphu2021 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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