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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph provides the total amount
enrolment
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 at Australian universities belong native and foreign
students
Use synonyms
 throughout the
last
Linking Words
 decades.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total number
enrolment
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 native and foreign increased over the period given,
while
Linking Words
 local
students
Use synonyms
 remained stable for the
last
Linking Words
 4
years
Use synonyms
. in the other hand, the commencing
enrolment
Use synonyms
 for overseas
students
Use synonyms
 gradually rise every year,
while
Linking Words
 the native
student
Use synonyms
 fluctuates slowly. The interesting information is the overseas
student
Use synonyms
 whole is less than local in all grades in the year range given. The totality of overseas
student
Use synonyms
 enlistment rose by approximately 5000 to 7000 submitted from 2001 to 2007. In that same range of
years
Use synonyms
, the commencing overseas
student
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 gradually increased by about 150 to 200
students
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the span of the
last
Linking Words
 three
years
Use synonyms
, The quantity of overseas
student
Use synonyms
enrolment
Use synonyms
 dramatically go up from approximately 65.000 to a peak at about 82.000
students
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the commencing dramatically grow from about 30.000 to 41.000
students
Use synonyms
. Not to speak of the amount of
enrolment
Use synonyms
 local
students
Use synonyms
 dramatically go up from 400.000 to approximately 601.000
students
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 in span 2001 to 2007. After rising up, the total amount steady at approximately 601.000
students
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. Henceforth, the commencing slowly increase in 2001 to 2002 about 500.000
students
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 and continue to slowly decrease until 2006. The commencing slowly rises up again about 10.000
students
Use synonyms
 in 2
years
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 span and slowly drop in the
last
Linking Words
 three
years
Use synonyms
 at a low point about 200.100
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words enrolment, students, years, student with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 3 times.
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