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Band 1.5

More money should be spent on hiring and training the police force in order to reduce crime in big cities. What is your opinion?

#money #police #force #crime #cities
It is
Correct pronoun usage
Is
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 the opinion
of
Change preposition
apply
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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that money should be invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 increasing and
Correct your spelling
training
traning
Correct your spelling
training
 the police force in order to lower crime rates in major cities. While some agree
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 contest
this
 view. There are many
Correct your spelling
benefits
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 increasing police forces in
majors
Change the noun form
major
show examples
 cities. One of the major benefits is that it reduces the crime rates in that respective city.
In addition
 to the lower crime rate,
this
 will
also
 attract tourists to come because the safer the city the more it attracts
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourists,
On the other hand
, there are other useful ways to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money.
For example
, improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public services
such
 as public transport and health insurance.
This
 will enhance the quality of life for citizens. To summarize
this
, It is important to
prioritized
Wrong verb form
prioritise
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city's
Correct article usage
the city's
show examples
 safety but, we cannot ignore other
catagory
Correct your spelling
category
 that can
be improve
Change the verb form
be improved
show examples
 upon.
Submitted by Thanagid423 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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