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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is often said that retirement is the happiest time of a person's life how far do you agree with this view

#retirement #time #person #life
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In general, our world population is
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 consistently and the concern about
retired
Correct article usage
the retired
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 generation is
rasing
Correct your spelling
rising
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 noticeably nowadays. It is said that retirement is the happiest time of
one
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
. But it seems to me
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
 not definitely a confirmative statement because there are still many situations that we need to look deeply into it to confirm the above comment.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the
retired
Replace the word
retirement
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 age is normally ranged from 55 to 65 and over. By
this
Linking Words
 age, people are
grttinf
Correct your spelling
getting
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 with
weaker
Add an article
the weaker
a weaker
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body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 which let them face lots of health issues
such
Linking Words
 as heart
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diseases
disease
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
,
headache
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headaches
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, back pain, and some other chronic
Correct your spelling
diseases
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to their
unsatisfaction
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dissatisfaction
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in
Change preposition
with
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 their health
life
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
For
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Fro
Correct your spelling
For
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 example,
one
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 like spending their time with their kids and
granchildren
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
 but some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the illness
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illness
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illnesses
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 prevent them from performing their wishes. The other negative effect
to
Change preposition
of
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a
Remove the article
apply
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retirement is that the older they
getting
Change the form of the verb
get
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, the lesser their physical activities
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 performed. By
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 we mean that the elderly have lesser leisure
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
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 than the earlier stage of
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can not play the heavy sport but
instead
Linking Words
 of some light exercises to prevent them from hurting their body.
This
Linking Words
 condition can
also
Linking Words
 lead to other unexpected results
such
Linking Words
 as their circle of relationship would be smaller which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
isolated
Replace the word
isolation
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 within their own environment.
One
Use synonyms
 more
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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negative factor is that old people would not feel happy when they have to rely on their
family
Change noun form
family's
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 support in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of finance even if they are likely being looked after by their family and society. In conclusion, I do not really agree with the idea that the retirement is most
blossom
Replace the word
blossoming
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 period of
one
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 while there are lots of unexpected scenarios
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 be appeared in
life
Use synonyms
Submitted by carnations0991 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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