IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #men #home #children #women #work #development
Many people are in favour of a law allowing teens under 18 to go out post-midnight.
Nevertheless
, there are others who are not
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
show examples
 of
this
 idea. In order to safeguard their teens, parents agree to a law that bans below 18 of age for an activity past midnight mainly because they prioritized the safety and security of their kids for the reason that they know that teenagers tend to do acts out of curiosity. These may be in the form of smoking, drinking liquor, and using prohibited drugs. With that, it prevents them from taking unwanted biases and will save not only their bright future but their selves as well.
On the other hand
, there are parents who provide freedom to their minors. They authorized their child under 18 to go out after 12.00 pm. They believe that it can promote autonomy and psychological development in their children.
By gaining
Change preposition
Gaining
show examples
 control over their lives,
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will facilitate independence which in turn a great help towards their race with life.
Also
, it will help them develop their personality by spending time with their peers which includes sharing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problems or issues with friends and gaining new interests or hobbies which can be an outlet to release their stress In summary, parents have different views and styles in raising their siblings.
However
, I believe that minors should not be allowed to spend time outside their houses after midnight primarily for their safety and security. Since we all know that minors are not yet capable to make a rightful judgement because they are naturally radical thinkers and often want to discover and experience things on their own.
Submitted by ace0547789 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: