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Band 5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
Nowadays, it is thought that
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
money
 in the sphere of arts, music and theatre is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
garbage.
This
 essay will explain how the positive sides of doing so outweigh the negative ones.
To begin
 with, visual art is
admirable
Add an article
an admirable
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 activity not only among youth,
however
Correct word choice
but however
show examples
, among adults
also
. Because society is separated
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 two categories, both exact
people
 and humanitarian individuals and investing
money
 just for public services can close not only
talents
Correct article usage
the talents
show examples
 of
people
, but
also
 their dreams and future.
Additionally
, we must admit that the world is full of
rainbow
Fix the agreement mistake
rainbows
show examples
 and colourful paints. Without
them
Add a comma
,them
show examples
 we would live in white and black tones, in tedious theme.
Therefore
, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 duty of the government to provide painters and artists with
money
 and facilities.
Furthermore
, it is a tremendous chance for
people
 who have
aptitude
Add an article
the aptitude
an aptitude
show examples
,
however
, by the reason of job or family positions to work out at home. Government should invest some
money
 for them to run their own career. They will get
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 from home even. Turning to the opposite side of the statement, nowadays social aspects
such
 as IT, business, science and technologies are paid
a
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apply
show examples
huge attention.
Moreover
, as I mentioned above world consists
also
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 who are interested in exact and serious science. And
this
 type of
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
art and music
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 just
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
entertainment,
for
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 fun. These individuals do not want to waste their valuable time and cash. To conclude,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must not close the way of humanitarian
people
 who adore art. They should be given all needs to do their job with pleasure.
These category
Change the determiner
This category
These categories
show examples
 of
people
beatify
Correct your spelling
beautify
show examples
 our world and give some bright tints to our lives
Submitted by aristocratca on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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