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Band 4.5

Many people are opting for several careers as compared to a single career to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #careers #career #money
It is argued that choosing many professions over
one
 is
Correct your spelling
beneficial
Correct quantifier usage
more benefical
show examples
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 than
stick
Wrong verb form
sticking
show examples
 with
one
 to earn more and more
money
. To some people switching
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 again and again for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to gain wealth is justified.
However
,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 like to keep up
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
single
Add an article
a single
show examples
 professional way.
This
 essay totally
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with the idea of going with
one
career
 than changing
jobs
 frequently, because if we stick with
same
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the same
show examples
career
 we may master
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will make us successful .
Moreover
,
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
 professional activities make a man confident and may take him at the pick of his
career
 as he
dream
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dreams
show examples
. While changing
jobs
 may skills us
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many
profession
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professions
show examples
, without making us perfect in
one
 skill.
To begin
 with, if someone wants to be perfect
on
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at
show examples
 any
work
, he has to be
patience
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patient
show examples
 for
success
. As there is no mastery
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
 come overnight and
it
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apply
show examples
requires hard
work
, changing
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 may
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 its way of perfection and
success
.
For example
, if a teacher
change
Change the verb form
changes
show examples
 his
career
 to a customer care
service man
Correct your spelling
serviceman
show examples
, he may
initially
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
make more
money
 than he could make as a teacher, but eventually may fail
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his new job as he lacked experience.
However
, if he
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 us as a teacher and
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 hard
work
 on it to reach his goal, he may end up as a headmaster or a professor or as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
head of the department of his
work
.
Furthermore
, he will be confident
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on his subject, which will lead him to
success
.
On the other hand
, if people keep switching
jobs
 over and over for more
money
, they may make
money
 for some time but will not end up
career
successfully
Replace the word
success
show examples
 without reaching
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 pick. Because changing
career
 means starting from the beginning without progress and promotion. To be concluded, considering the points discussed above, the most
retional
Correct your spelling
rational
regional
 conclusion to be drawn is that, changing
jobs
 may not lead us toward
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
career
 and may harm us
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 making
money
 too.
However
, choosing
one
 profession over many may help us to reach its pick with satisfaction and
success
.
Submitted by alina.aphrodite on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job market dynamics
  • skill diversification
  • technological advancements
  • income potential
  • gig economy
  • flexible opportunities
  • financial necessity
  • economic instability
  • insufficient wages
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • continuous learning
  • development
  • social pressure
  • peer pressure
  • career trajectory
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