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Band 3

‘Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#‘some #people #children #time #families #arguments #side #support
Generally speaking that it is
considering
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 important for
children
spending
Change the verb form
to spend
show examples
time
 with their families,
however
, it is
also
 important for them to be independent.
This
 essay will discuss the pros and cons of both aspects. But in my opinion, I think
Correct your spelling
develop
develope
Correct your spelling
developing
children
's independence is quite essential.
First
 of all,all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 will leave their parents one day, if a child
too
Replace the word
to
show examples
rely
Change the verb form
relies
show examples
 on their families, they may become too easy to believe people enhance be cheated by some mean person. Nowadays so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
fraud
Change to a plural noun
frauds
show examples
 happening, due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who
too
Add a missing verb
are too
show examples
 easy to trust others
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 be cheated. If a person
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
learned
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
 independent when they
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
ware
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 young, it would be helpful for them to define what is
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 thing or not when they become
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
children
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
 on extracurricular activities helps them adapt the society earlier when
them
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 enter in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market.
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
show examples
 part of after school activities gain
children
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 and socialization, which help their work social skills in future.
On the other hand
,
children
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
 with their parents
Fix the infinitive
to help
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them develop good personal character, it is common that a
children
Change the noun form
child
show examples
 grows up in a healthy family
Correct word choice
and appears
show examples
appears
Correct subject-verb agreement
appear
show examples
 friendly to others. In conclusion, while
children
 should expend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
 with their parents, they
also
 need to have more space to interact with their peers, hoping that they would develop their social skills through interaction.
Submitted by LANPING WU on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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