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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children should play online games nowadays. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.

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In the modern world, an increasing number of children spend long hours on
computer
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games
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. In
this
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 regard, people have been continuously arguing about its
merits
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 and demerits. Admittedly there are a few key benefits and many risks
associating
Wrong verb form
associated
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to
Change preposition
with
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this
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 phenomenon. As
such
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, I would like to discuss
the
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apply
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both in
this
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 essay and
finally
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 express my position, which
I
Add a missing verb
is I
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believe that
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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 outweigh
Correct your spelling
advantages
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the advanages
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advanages
Correct your spelling
advantages
.
Firstly
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, there are major two categories of demerits incurred by
kids
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 spending
time
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 on
the
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apply
show examples
internet
games
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. The
first
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 category is its negative impact
to
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on
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 their physical growth process.
For example
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, by spending
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of their
times
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time
show examples
 on the web, young students will have less
time
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 to do sports with their friends
in
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apply
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outdoors. It will negatively impact their development of healthy
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physical
physcial
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physical
 growth. Their muscles and bones will be weaker.
Furthermore
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, too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 online
games
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 give a significant
defect
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defects
show examples
 to their eyes as well. The
Second
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 category
for
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of
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 disadvantage is its impact
to
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on
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kids
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' relationships
to
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with
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 others. by focusing too much on internet
games
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. Namely,
kids
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 will have
less
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fewer
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 chances to develop interpersonal
skills
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.
For instance
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, their communication and social
skills
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 will be inferior to those who have more
time
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meeting
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to meet
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 people face-to-face and
interact
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interacting
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 with them directly. The
second
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 thought
are
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is
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 its
merits
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. There is no doubt that there are a few
merits
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 for
kids
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 to play online. It will provide them to develop their
computer
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skills
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 which is an important ability for them for the rest of their lives.
Also
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, the web provides
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 space for children to connect to
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outer world
outerworld
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the outerworld
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 under
the
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apply
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extreme conditions
such
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 as the recent
world-wide
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worldwide
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 pandemic or natural disasters. Regardless of the drawbacks listed above, these
merits
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 are not negligible. In conclusion, as discussed above, there are several notable dangers and a few key
merits
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associating
Wrong verb form
associated
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to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 children's usage of
computer
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games
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. It has
danger
Add an article
the danger
a danger
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 of damaging
kids
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' healthy growth physically and socially,
however
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, it
also
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 can provide chances for them to develop their online
skills
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 and alternative space to link to
Correct your spelling
outer world
outerworld
Correct article usage
the outerworld
show examples
 in
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time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 of
needs
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need
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. I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and adults should carefully monitor
their
Change the word
the
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 length of
time
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 young students devote to
computer
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games
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 so that they can keep a good balance in their lives.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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