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Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries workers have to retire when they reach a certain age such as 65 in other parts of the world they are encouraged to continue working for as long as the better alternative, are you agree or disagree?

#countries #workers #age #parts #world #alternative
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In some Nations employees have to stop working once they have reached a certain age. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 practice and assume old
workers
Use synonyms
 need to be replaced with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new personals personnel ,
although
Linking Words
;
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
workers
Use synonyms
 have more experience rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
workers
Use synonyms
. It is obvious that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
workers
Add an article
the workers
show examples
 lose their capability as they become older.
This
Linking Words
 low efficiency is rooted in the limitation of
human
Add an article
the human
a human
show examples
 body within a 30-year- period and
this
Linking Words
 ability is affected negatively by overtime.
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
adversely
adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
 affects their productivity. (It is clear that elderly working prevents young individuals from being hired and reduces their chances of getting a job.) because the employers try not to create new job opportunities
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Finally
Linking Words
, they should lay off some older personnel(employees) with the aim of replacing them with the youth who want to become get married and support
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 families.
Although
Linking Words
, some
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may be of the opinion that retiring
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
older
workers
Use synonyms
 leads to deprivation of their experience and skills among the youth .
However
Linking Words
, I suppose the elderly staff's information is usually out of date and it(
this
Linking Words
) is not suitable for young
workers
Use synonyms
 because they need to learn the latest knowledge of technology.(technological advances) In conclusion, I strongly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
workers
Use synonyms
 must retire and employ young
workers
Use synonyms
 to have up-to-date personals personnel and create new job opportunities for the youth.
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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