In some countries workers have to retire when they reach a certain age such as 65 in other parts of the world they are encouraged to continue working for as long as the better alternative, are you agree or disagree?
In some Nations employees have to stop working once they have reached a certain age. I completely agree with
this
practice and assume old workers
need to be replaced with the
new personals personnel , Correct article usage
apply
although
; the
elderly Correct article usage
apply
workers
have more experience rather than the
young Correct article usage
apply
workers
. It is obvious that most of
Change preposition
apply
workers
lose their capability as they become older. Add an article
the workers
This
low efficiency is rooted in the limitation of human
body within a 30-year- period and Add an article
the human
a human
this
ability is affected negatively by overtime. this
Correct your spelling
adversely
adversly
affects their productivity. (It is clear that elderly working prevents young individuals from being hired and reduces their chances of getting a job.) because the employers try not to create new job opportunitiesCorrect your spelling
adversely
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Finally
, they should lay off some older personnel(employees) with the aim of replacing them with the youth who want to become get married and support Correct your spelling
their
thier
families. Correct your spelling
their
Although
, some ones
may be of the opinion that retiring Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
older Change preposition
apply
workers
leads to deprivation of their experience and skills among the youth . However
, I suppose the elderly staff's information is usually out of date and it(this
) is not suitable for young workers
because they need to learn the latest knowledge of technology.(technological advances) In conclusion, I strongly believe that the
elderly Correct article usage
apply
workers
must retire and employ young workers
to have up-to-date personals personnel and create new job opportunities for the youth.Submitted by TUTOO on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite