IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What is the cause of this? What measures can the international community take to meet this demand?

#demand #food #measures #community
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As society is advancing by leaps and bounds, people attach great importance to humankind. Under
this
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 circumstance, the fact that growing demand for
food
Use synonyms
 is the main cause of the problem of increasing overpopulation and I believe that adopting education methods can help the international community to meet
this
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 requirement.
Firstly
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, it is in large measure attributed to overpopulation. Many studies have shown that the world's people experienced a dramatic increase in the
last
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 two decades.
As a result
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,
although
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 these can create huge
food
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 and rations, with high residents, it causes a shortage of nutrition. To illustrate, the world population is expected to increase by 8 billion people in 2022 to 9 billion in more than 10 years.
Moreover
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, with the huge population in the world, climate change
also
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is influenced
Wrong verb form
influences
show examples
 the production of
food
Use synonyms
 for consumption.
For example
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, farmers can lose their harvests
due to
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 the water shortage, which can be caused by various reasons
such
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 as depletion of the ozone layer, acid rain, etc... To crack
this
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 hard nut, feasible measures should be adopted without any delay. The first approach is that governments should enhance the
overall
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 awareness of citizens to make them realize the fact overpopulation
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 lots to the environment and
also
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food
Use synonyms
. The second approach is to authorities encourage farmers to use new technologies in
doer
Correct your spelling
order
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 to increase their production like using a new way of raising cops. In conclusion, feasible remedies have been discussed above, and international aid and new technologies can partly solve
this
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 issue.
Submitted by dungnguyen on

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task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the causes of increasing food demand and proposing measures to address it. However, the response lacks depth and fails to provide a comprehensive analysis. It is important to fully address all aspects of the prompt and develop ideas with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but the introduction and conclusion are lacking. The essay does not effectively connect ideas throughout the essay, making it difficult to follow. To improve, focus on creating a clear introduction and conclusion, as well as improving the organization and connectivity of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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