IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that introducing new technology can improve people's quality of life in the developing countries. However, others believe that free education should be offered. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #technology #quality #life #countries #education
In the world of the modern era, the focus of each and every individual is to enhance their skills in every aspect of life. The nation should support its people to enhance their technical knowledge by providing a solid
education
 system. Introducing new
technology
 or free
education
, will it help a developing
country
 to improve people's lives. In my opinion, both aspects have their own importance
to transmit
Change preposition
in transmitting
show examples
 a
country
 from a developing to a developed
country
. On the one hand, I agree by adding new
technology
 folk's life will definitely improve. It will help them gain confidence in themselves which eventually
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 their
country
.
For example
, In India, every person using
Google
Correct article usage
the Google
show examples
pay
Capitalize word
Pay
show examples
 mobile application to pay the amount which helped them fight against corruption.
Furthermore
, it helped humans connect with each other during the pandemic.
However
, people with uneducated
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 use
technology
 for crime and fraud. So, we should use
technology
 with a sense of responsibility.
On the other hand
,
education
 is a very important part of our day-to-day life.
Therefore
, it's the base of any individual. A nation should encourage students
for studies
Change preposition
to study
show examples
 by consuming the cost of it.
For instance
, Israel is introducing free schools and colleges for children below the poverty line.
This
 initiative helped them build a strong defence structure for their
country
.
To conclude
, I believe the best way forward is to keep both options in tandem. The
country
 can't make progress in
technology
 if its
education
 system is weak and corrupt. We should focus on moneyless courses to educate our children.
Submitted by prudhvi.pinninti18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the main points of the task but lacks depth and clarity. It needs to provide a more comprehensive analysis of how new technology and free education can improve the quality of life in developing countries. Use specific examples and improve the structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the development of the main points lacks coherence. The essay jumps from one point to another without clear connections. Work on developing each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: