IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that introducing new technology can improve people's quality of life in the developing countries. However, others believe that free education should be offered. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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In the world of the modern era, the focus of each and every individual is to enhance their skills in every aspect of life. The nation should support its people to enhance their technical knowledge by providing a solid
education
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 system. Introducing new
technology
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 or free
education
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, will it help a developing
country
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 to improve people's lives. In my opinion, both aspects have their own importance
to transmit
Change preposition
in transmitting
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 a
country
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 from a developing to a developed
country
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. On the one hand, I agree by adding new
technology
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 folk's life will definitely improve. It will help them gain confidence in themselves which eventually
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 their
country
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.
For example
Linking Words
, In India, every person using
Google
Correct article usage
the Google
show examples
pay
Capitalize word
Pay
show examples
 mobile application to pay the amount which helped them fight against corruption.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it helped humans connect with each other during the pandemic.
However
Linking Words
, people with uneducated
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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 use
technology
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 for crime and fraud. So, we should use
technology
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 with a sense of responsibility.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
education
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 is a very important part of our day-to-day life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it's the base of any individual. A nation should encourage students
for studies
Change preposition
to study
show examples
 by consuming the cost of it.
For instance
Linking Words
, Israel is introducing free schools and colleges for children below the poverty line.
This
Linking Words
 initiative helped them build a strong defence structure for their
country
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe the best way forward is to keep both options in tandem. The
country
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 can't make progress in
technology
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 if its
education
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 system is weak and corrupt. We should focus on moneyless courses to educate our children.

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task response
The essay addresses the main points of the task but lacks depth and clarity. It needs to provide a more comprehensive analysis of how new technology and free education can improve the quality of life in developing countries. Use specific examples and improve the structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the development of the main points lacks coherence. The essay jumps from one point to another without clear connections. Work on developing each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
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