IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Agree or disagree essay

#people #years #times #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities
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It is believed that adolescence
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many humankind is the best
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 compared to
mature
Correct article usage
the mature
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of
people
 despite the fact that there are a lot of cares. I totally disagree with
this
 notion because adulthood gives capacities to
people
such
 as living by their own desires,
rules
Correct word choice
and rules
show examples
, travelling by themselves,
getting
Correct word choice
and getting
show examples
stable
Add an article
a stable
the stable
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 which lets to earn enough
money
 for
life
.
This
 essay will discuss how
mature
Correct article usage
the mature
show examples
years
 of mankind makes them delighted and about the opportunities
such
travelling
Change preposition
as travelling
show examples
,
earning
Correct word choice
and earning
show examples
 sufficient
money
 in stable jobs.
First
 of all,
grown-up
Correct article usage
the grown-up
show examples
 time of man is the best moment to find a work with sufficient salary after finishing
university
.
Moreover
,
people
 master some kind of specific skills during
university
 that are the requirements of employers for
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 they provide. Adults have more chances to get permanent works that are well-paid compared to teenagers that are only able to have temporary jobs to work in holidays which might be
badly-paid
Correct your spelling
badly paid
show examples
.
For example
, the investigation from Drexel
university
 which was done by doctor Smith demonstrated that employers prefer more high-skilled workers in order to complete tasks quickly and smoothly than low-skilled ones that are teenagers who do not graduate
university
Change preposition
from university
show examples
 yet.
That is
 why it is the happiest period of time when
people
 feel
themselves
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apply
show examples
satisfied,
proud
Correct word choice
and proud
show examples
.
Second
 of all, adults have their own
money
, savings which were earned by them that let mature
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
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travel
 to wherever they would like, broaden
Add an article
the mind
show examples
mind
Change the form of the verb
minds
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, and feel
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fulfilled while most teenagers do not have
capabilities
Correct article usage
the capabilities
show examples
 to
travel
 around the world because of restrictions in age, lack of
money
.
Furthermore
, travelling
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own budget makes
people
 independent, satisfied and happy.
For instance
, the exploration from Cambridge
university
 that was made by doctor Mark showed that
people
 who
travel
 more than once a year are happier, live longer,
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
 stronger health than human beings who do not
travel
 at all.
As a result
, adulthood provides
people
 adventurous, fulfilling
life
, in spite of greater responsibilities, whereas adolescents have some difficulties in earning
money
,
travelling
Correct word choice
and travelling
show examples
 because of not turning
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eighteen
years
. Taking everything into account, mature
life
 is more
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 and makes
people
 feel
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
happier than teenage
years
 when the main problem is age restrictions.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adolescence
  • fulfillment
  • responsibilities
  • exploration
  • long-term goals
  • sense of stability
  • carefree
  • contentment
  • well-being
  • life stage
  • unique opportunities
  • deep satisfaction
What to do next:
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