IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?

#countries #numbers #people #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Human
Correct your spelling
resources
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very important to any country, and keeping
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between different ages and
also
Linking Words
 male and female ratio ensures economical stability and strength. To figure out the solution we need to start looking for the cause, more families are now decreasing the number of children as they were
for example
Linking Words
 before 20 years, even some couples
refuses
Change the verb form
refuse
show examples
 to have children,
this
Linking Words
in turn
Add the comma(s)
, in turn,
show examples
 led to disturbance in the young and old ratio. The main problem these countries are facing is that
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are working
thus
Linking Words
,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are paying taxes which makes older
people
Use synonyms
 like
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society while the decrease in young ages is the real problem. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, the
Correct your spelling
governments
government
givernments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should take the responsibility
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
ti
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
legislate
Add the particle
to legislate
show examples
 new laws that
encourages
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to have more children, but we can consider
this
Linking Words
 a far future solution, while some countries tried to make a quick solution by bringing young immigrants that are able to work and increase the young population.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
 I think that government should always be responsible for the planning and
Add a hyphen
law-making
show examples
law making
Add a hyphen
law-making
show examples
 to keep percentages in balance.
Submitted by sayfsaeed47 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: