IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either the working day or in their free time, and have problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time
It has been universally acknowledged that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 are ignoring the importance of exercise even when they have leisure
time
 .
Consequently
,
this
 phenomenon is leading to
health
Add an article
a health
the health
show examples
hazard
Fix the agreement mistake
hazards
show examples
. Overload of
work
 and unawareness about
health
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain reasons behind
this
 issue. The stated trouble can be solved by adding
fitness
time
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the schedule of all
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 and by making
people
 mindful
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 well-being.
This
 essay will shed light on possible reasons along with suitable measures to curb
this
 curtail in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, there are myriad
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 to be shared to manifest the fact why
people
 are not paying proper attention to physical care.The mammoth conspicuous reason is the
Add a hyphen
over-pressure
show examples
over pressure
Correct your spelling
overpressure
show examples
 of
work
.
Such
 as,
people
 are working for limitless hours to earn more and more money at the cost of their tonicity.
Moreover
, working humans are not aware of
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of ignoring the value of
health
. So , they are doing it unknowingly.
For instance
, a survey was conducted by a news channel underlying the fact that 80%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 were not going for
routeen
Correct your spelling
routine
 check-ups.
As a result
, plenty of
people
 are not paying proper heed to
fitness
 issues as they are busy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working for earnings. Moving
further
 to the conception,the governments must do something to fix
this
 problem like organizing seminars, camps and
Correct your spelling
advertisements
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 to make
people
 conscious
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
health
.
Furthermore
,
fitness
time
 of at least 30 min. must be added
Change preposition
on at
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 compulsory behalf to the schedules at every
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. For evidence, in India,a period of 30 minutes is compulsory in all schools which is only for physical
fitness
. It must be followed at all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workplaces as well. To recapitulate,
this
 is the
time
 to throw
limelights
Fix the agreement mistake
limelight
show examples
 on
health
 issues. To be more specific, by limiting the working hours and making
people
 aware ,
this
 problem can be solved. So, it is the demand of
time
 to pay proper attention to healthiness.
Submitted by bhomik2010 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: