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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is better to go out for a live performance (a show or concert) than stay at home watching TV or using the computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#live #performance #show #concert #home #tv #computer
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It is often argued that going out with friends or family for enjoying a live show or concert is far better and wiser than staying at home and scrolling through TV channels or browsing
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 or Facebook on the computer screen.
Although
Linking Words
 I agree that spending quality
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 outside of our residence with our nearest and dearest ones can give us a true sense of joy and pleasure, I think that the point of view predominantly depends on
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 and time of occurrence of
such
Linking Words
 live
performances
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will portray the reasons behind the aforementioned statement. On the one hand, we often feel monotonous staying at home and doing our regular activities
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
 after
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
. In
such
Linking Words
 demanding situations, we constantly look for a chance to get out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our busy lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, suddenly we’ve heard an announcement of
nearby
Correct article usage
a nearby
show examples
 live magic show to be performed by a supreme professional magician. And at that moment, the urgency to spare some fun times with our friends
peep
Wrong verb form
peeped
show examples
 through our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. We tend to call them and go out to lessen our boredom and enjoy the astonishing
magics
Fix the agreement mistake
magic
show examples
.
On the other hand
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,
timing
Add an article
the timing
show examples
 of
such
Linking Words
 live
performances
Use synonyms
 plus
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of the individuals
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 crucial factors to be taken into
accounts
Fix the agreement mistake
account
show examples
.
Firstly
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, when exams or important office assignments are knocking at the door, we usually don’t like to go out rather than browse numerous webpages related to our study topics or office
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 on our laptop, desktop or smartphone monitors. Most significantly, most of the live shows aren’t suitable for particular
age
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 groups.
For example
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, an older adult who tends to listen to
classic
Replace the word
classical
show examples
 music usually
don’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn’t
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 get amused by a live rock concert.
Linking Words
Instead
Add a comma
,Instead
show examples
 he’ll watch news channels on TV to get accustomed to local or foreign incidents. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 I agree that passing some memorable moments in live
performances
Use synonyms
 with our closest ones can make us happy rather than watching TV or using the computer at home, I think that both the timing of
such
Linking Words
performances
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of the individual concerned should be kept in mind as well so that they shouldn’t interfere with our priority tasks.
Submitted by souravroy2k9 on

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