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Writing Samples
Band 5

Even though governments have worked hard to bring about improvements in the healthcare system, the overall standard of physical health in developed countries is decreasing. What are the potential reasons for this, and what are some of the long-term effects?

#governments #improvements #healthcare #system #health #countries #effects
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Health
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 problems including heart disease, obesity, and diabetes are becoming more widespread in developed countries. There are several reasons (eating habits/
high
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highly
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 stressful life) contributing to
this
Linking Words
 problem,
as well as
Linking Words
 potentially drastic long-term effects like fatal diseases and high expenses. Lifestyle choices are important and major causes of poor
health
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 in developed countries. These days, it is perhaps easier and cheaper to follow an unhealthy diet. 
For example
Linking Words
, the recent boom in fast food restaurants and chains has enticed people to eat at these establishments rather than cooking healthy meals at home. Stress is another factor that has contributed to poor
health
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. In brief,the
fast- paced
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fast-paced
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 corporate culture and competitive work atmosphere make for a difficult
work- life
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work-life
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 balance, resulting in little to no time for eating healthy or taking care of oneself.  These lifestyle choices will have drastic long-term effects. If generations continue to partake in these unhealthy habits, they will continue on for generations to come. 
For instance
Linking Words
, parents who have diabetes or are prone to obesity have a higher chance of passing these conditions on to their children, and so on. 
Consequently
Linking Words
, these
health
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 problems could result in a higher cost of living. Due to increased demand for services, it is only natural that the
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health care
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healthcare
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 industry would charge higher prices to its clients, resulting in higher costs.  To balance,poor lifestyle choices, ranging from unhealthy diets and higher stress, have certainly contributed to the decrease in
health
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 standards. If not properly taken care of, these problems could cause harmful long-term effects to future generations in terms of disease and a higher cost of living.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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