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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one?

#schools #phones #development
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In a number of
countries
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,countries
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 mobile phones are prohibited at the school level. It definitely must be
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a beneficial development in the learning process which is why these rules have been developed and followed strictly. In my opinion, it's a rule much-needed for the better learning process of the
students
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. Restricting phone use in the classroom itself can improve learning. Because it will help the
students
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 focus on their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 rather than getting constantly distracted by the buzzing of these devices. If there is a mobile phone taking all their attention away they will listen less to their teachers and
also
Linking Words
wasting
Wrong verb form
waste
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 their energy.
By
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Through
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this
Linking Words
 constant use of mobile
phones
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,phones
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 the discipline of the class will be compromised. These children will feel irritable when their teachers would ask them to concentrate.
Linking Words
Consequently
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,Consequently
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 for productive study and lesser
distraction
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,distraction
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 these restrictions are necessary. Because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of concentration the grades of these
students
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 can suffer greatly.
This
Linking Words
 will affect their
self esteem
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self-esteem
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, they will not feel confident even in the later stages of their life if their foundation wont
be
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is
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 strong enough.
As a result
Linking Words
 of the bad
grades
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,grades
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 their admission
in
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to
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 university would be at stake which will affect their job opportunities later on. In conclusion, mobile phones have their benefits in their own way but they should not be a part of a classroom where certain rules should be followed to shape these
students
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 into successful human beings.If their attention span would be affected so early on it will have
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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long term
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long-term
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 consequences.
Submitted by sarahhhasad on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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