IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree

#crime #rate #offenders #parents #skills
To behave a child is one of the important
question
Change to a plural noun
questions
show examples
 for most
parents
 because they are responsible for human
life
 who in near future will be a part of
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
.
For
Change preposition
Nowdays
show examples
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, the crime number is increasing and as soon as possible people should find an answer
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem. In my opinion,
Add an article
the behavior
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of any kid depends
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the society where he is growing and a lot of information literally goes direct to his mind without filtration. So, the main task that
parents
 should do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is to have
conversation
Correct article usage
a conversation
show examples
 or explanation of some things with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 children because it could be highly effective in
positive
Change the article
a positive
show examples
 way. How to upgrade
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 skills?
Parents
 could try short courses or take a few books
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 child behaving.
Also
, I think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 community have to support and provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real information about adult
life
 and spend more time with babies.
For example
, sex education is
awkward
Add an article
an awkward
show examples
 topic to talk
with
Change preposition
about with
show examples
parents
 and all of it leads to results where
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
breaking
Wrong verb form
breaks
show examples
 the law in
Correct your spelling
relationship
relationships
realationship
Correct your spelling
relationships
 between women
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 men.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, kids without basic
Correct your spelling
knowledge
knoweledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 of
life
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 like offenders with law problems. In conclusion, I would like to say that, there are so
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 ways to solve
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 of parenting. Of course, it is a huge topic for one essay and in the
next
 future generation will be more progressive or responsible for their kids.
Moreover
, some
Correct your spelling
recommendation
recommendations
recomendation
Correct your spelling
recommendations
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 welcome because everyone
face
Change the verb form
faces
show examples
this
Correct your spelling
challenge
challange
Correct your spelling
challenge
 in
life
 way.
Submitted by alex2022ny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: