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Band 4.5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

#crime #rate #teenagers #countries
Increasing
Add an article
The increasing
An increasing
show examples
rate
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children’
Change noun form
children’s
show examples
crime
 is one of the most important problems that many countries face.
However
, what is the reason cause
this
 situation is a controversial issue. In my opinion, there are two reasons for
this
increase
 and the government can do
Fix the agreement mistake
something
show examples
somethings
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
 to resolve it.
Firstly
, it is obvious that advanced technology is becoming a driving force behind the
increasingly
Change the adverb
increasing
show examples
rate
 of youth
crime
. With technology developed, children can get lots of hi-tech products,
such
 as 3-D visual glasses, and can
also
 play advanced games nowadays,
such
 as PS-5. These products give children
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
really
Replace the word
real
show examples
 feeling. Meanwhile, if these games include
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 content, young
people
 cannot realise and easy to
itumilate
Correct your spelling
illuminate
.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing technology can bring lots of benefits to
people
,
at
Correct word choice
but at
show examples
 the same time, can
also
 bring bad
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 young
people
.
Secondly
, the government doesn’t invest enough money in public education.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days,
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the world is full of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
parents have to work hard for their families.
Therefore
 the lack of education cause children
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
know
Fix the infinitive
to know
show examples
 what is right to wrong. Their parents do not have time, and the teachers only teach them the skills or knowledge of
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
. Their action will not
be control
Change the verb form
be controlled
show examples
 by themselves
since
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 lack of
Correct your spelling
discipline
discinplin
Correct your spelling
discipline
.
For example
, they will
Change the verb form
bull
be bulling
show examples
bulling
Correct your spelling
bullying
show examples
 in school, treat the exam, etc. On the one hand, it is bad for their academic performance.
On the other hand
, it will let them commit
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
. I believe that
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 the
invest
Replace the word
investment
show examples
 in education is a method to resolve
this
 problem.
Such
 as
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 number of
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
. At the same time
Add a comma
,increase
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 community job opportunity
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
people
 can
also
 decrease the
crime
rate
.
Thirdly
,
add
Wrong verb form
adding
show examples
 some courses for youth
such
 as skills for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future jobs can let them
easy
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 find
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. In conclusion,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the
rate
 of youth
crime
 is
most
Add an article
a most
the most
show examples
 important thing that many countries need to pay attention to.
Submitted by kevin. B on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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