IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The number of elderly people in societies is increasing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this issue?

Nowadays, the population of some countries involves a relatively
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wide
rang
Correct your spelling
range
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 compared with the
number
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
.so,I want to write about
Correct article usage
the advantage
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 when I totally
agreevia
Correct your spelling
agree via
 the growth of
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
every
societies
Change to a singular noun
society
show examples
.
First
Linking Words
 of all, I must say that the
Correct your spelling
existence
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
every society is the best gift for us because they passed the events which the young
people
Use synonyms
 want to know about them and will experience in the future. To put it another way, the old
people
Use synonyms
 should guide the young
people
Use synonyms
 about some happenings and give them about their experience .so it is certainly true that the
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 try to care and learn the
olders
Correct your spelling
older
 because if they do not do it, the young
people
Use synonyms
 will repeat their histories again and will waste their time and sources.
Also
Linking Words
, the existence
Correct your spelling
holders
Change preposition
of olders
show examples
olders
Correct your spelling
older
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
Correct your spelling
a lot
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of problems for every society.I mean that when the
number
Use synonyms
 of old
people
Use synonyms
 enhances, all the organizations and governments must provide
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 needs like home, food, and the most important of their needs is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protection and their health.As a matter of fact, when the body
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 tend to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age,the body will be weak and has to strengthen via
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strengthening foods , drinks and drugs.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I should say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 are the best gift for us but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 key role in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
every society and they should make their countries and provide their societies
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best place for life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: