IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Alcohol abuse is becoming more and more common in many countries. What are some of the problems associated with alcohol abuse, and what are some of the possible solutions?

#alcohol #abuse #countries
Nowadays, more people prefer to drink
alcohol
;
hence
,
addicting
Replace the word
addiction
show examples
 the
alcohol
 is becoming a serious issue in
lots of
Correct word choice
many
show examples
 nations.
The violent
Correct article usage
Violent
show examples
 offence is the major repercussion
links
Replace the word
linked
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alcoholic
Replace the word
alcohol
show examples
 consumption, and the authority proposes some positive
recreation
Replace the word
recreational
show examples
 activities which can be one of the valid solutions to
this
 problem. There are several consequences would happen after consuming too much
alcohol
.
To begin
 with, the mental condition could be getting worse because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alcohol
 is detrimental to our
nerve
Replace the word
nervous
show examples
 system.
Hence
, alcoholic people
are
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 difficult to concentrate on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
everything.
In addition
, because of the nerve damage, it is challenging for them to be patient
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 family members and is easy to contribute to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
aggressive violence toward their kids or spouse.
For example
, one survey conducted by the Social Development Bureau indicates that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eighty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
alcoholic
Add an article
the alcoholic
show examples
 addictive family
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a child abuse incident in their criminal records.
As a result
,
due to
 the overdrinking wine or deer , it will likely lead to violent issues which are caused by the emotional control disorder. The government
involves
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in dealing with the situation can
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 numerous methods to trickle the problem.
Firstly
, The officials can initiate negative effects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alcoholic
Replace the word
alcohol
show examples
 consumption
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and aggressively
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
 some entertainment activities,
such
 as a basketball competition, or public musical concert to attract citizens' attention during their spare time in order to reduce chances
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
 an alcoholic drink.
Moreover
, raising
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on all alcoholic products is another way to eliminate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alcoholic addiction.
For instance
, in Singapore, formulating a heavy
alcoholic
Replace the word
alcohol
show examples
 tax is successful
reducing
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
forty percent of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alcoholic
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
.
Therefore
, the officials' measures are prominent ways to lessen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alcoholic consumption. In conclusion, several violent behaviours may occur after
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
 too much
alcohol
.
Hence
, raising the awareness about negative repercussions of overdrinking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alcohol
 and
particitating
Correct your spelling
participating
 in more public
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 activities are viable ways to keep away from having too much wine, deer or any cocktail.
Submitted by claire9377 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion as the ideas are not logically structured and do not flow smoothly from one point to another. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more substantial and well-connected to the body of the essay.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing the problems associated with alcohol abuse and proposing some solutions. However, the response lacks clarity and depth. It requires a more comprehensive approach to the task, with clear and well-developed ideas and examples to support the arguments effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: