IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

As major cities around the world are growing, so are their problems. What are these problems for young people living in cities? What are possible solutions for these problems?

#cities #world #people
In the contemporary days become more complicated to accommodate
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
metropolises.
Furthermore
,people become suffer from various social problems caused by
dramatic
Correct article usage
the dramatic
show examples
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
urban
Add an article
the urban
show examples
 population. It is agreed that especially youth find it difficult to live in a large city.
This
 essay outline major young’s issues
such
 as job opportunities and
luck
Correct your spelling
lack
show examples
 of housing and
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 some possible way of solving them. Considering closer important issues, one of the most common is getting a well-paid job.
Moreover
,
recent
Add an article
a recent
show examples
 poll of local authorities demonstrated that approximately 90
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of students struggle with
such
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. Without any doubt,it happens due to discrimination in
Labor
Correct article usage
the Labor
show examples
 market based on
perception
Add an article
the perception
a perception
show examples
 that young people are less competent workers. Obviously,it can be solved only by employers and one of the possible
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
 is dividing
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 into several tasks that will give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
raise to
provision
Add an article
the provision
show examples
 of more
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 suggestions.
Subsequently
 , inexperienced employees could gain experience by taking part in large projects and receive a wage.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 not less widespread issue is
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
show examples
 of affordable housing. According to the latest poll, 83
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of youths couldn’t find a budget flat or house that employers can afford. Obviously ,
this
 problem can
be eliminate
Change the verb form
be eliminated
show examples
 by
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 adjustments. Authorities should provide a scheme of rental control
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to limit rents. The best option is setting up a proportion of rent
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on salary. To summarise , raising cities
Add the particle
to invoke
show examples
invoke
Correct subject-verb agreement
invokes
show examples
such
 problems as
Correct article usage
a luck
show examples
Correct your spelling
lack
show examples
luck
Correct your spelling
lack
show examples
 of job suggestions and housing.
Therefore
, almost all young people
alarmed
Add a missing verb
are alarmed
show examples
 by these problems. After
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
show examples
 analysis
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 subject, it is predicted that these issues can be solved easily just by some smart decisions
Submitted by ydotsenko97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: