IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
These days, with the rapid development of the social economy , the kinds of careers are becoming more and more abundant. Different job suits for different gender being
a new points
Correct the article-noun agreement
a new point
new points
show examples
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some
people
 due to they have the varying abilities. I believe that the jobs which suit
men
 and
women
 are different. I will analyse it through the characters of vocations and the physical diversity between
men
 and
women
. Usually,
women
 are more delicate than
men
 in sentimental, they do not reluctant to undertake some seemingly respectable jobs.Nowadays ,
people
 who do manual
work
 frequently receive far more money than
people
 who
work
 in offices,
people
 who
work
 in offices are always referred to as white-collar workers. A great number of
men
 are often willing to sacrifice higher pay for the privilege of becoming
a white-collar workers
Correct the article-noun agreement
white-collar workers
a white-collar worker
show examples
, but not to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manual
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 for keeping their dignity.
For instance
, one who works as a dustman earns far more than another working as a clerk,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
men
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
often more cherish their reputation than
women
, thereby choosing the
work
 of a dirty dustman.
Submitted by 185584258 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
What to do next:
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