IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country. Others think that they should live as a separate minority group with different lifestyles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #country #culture #minority #group #lifestyles
Some
people
 say that when
people
moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 to a new country, they should acknowledge their shelves with the
exist
Change the form of the verb
existing
show examples
culture
.
However
, others believe that it can be
understanding
Wrong verb form
understood
show examples
 if
people
 choose to live differently as a minority.
For
Change preposition
Me
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, I agree that
people
 need to
Add an article
an allowed
show examples
allowed
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
 new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others when they choose to move to a new place. On one hand, it can be difficult to
approved
Change the form of the verb
approve
show examples
 something
that is
 not in common. Unfortunately, when
people
 decided to move to another country, they need to respect the underlying
culture
 which has been
occur
Change the verb form
occurring
occurred
show examples
 since
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago. It is needed because
people
 need to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 in order to have a harmonious life.
For example
, in Japan,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 a bow when meeting
people
 is become a habit to show
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
.
Thus
, we should learn to do the same thing.
On the other hand
, some
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 may not suitable
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
. If
this
 kind of problem happens, it is understandable when
people
 cannot follow the same thing as what the
culture
 lies.
Nevertheless
,
people
 should still show respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
differences.
For instance
, when
Change the capitalization
Muslim
show examples
muslim
Correct your spelling
Muslims
 move to
western
Add an article
a western
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 like
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
, especially Amsterdam city. Amsterdam city has a nickname called "
City
Correct article usage
The City
show examples
 of Sin" because they allowed citizens to do illegal things
such
 as drugs.
Therefore
, there is no obligation for
Change the capitalization
Muslim
Muslims
show examples
muslim
Correct your spelling
Muslims
 to do that and so are they have to learn to live
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 to deal with
this
culture
. In conclusion, it is fine to not make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
culture
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a behaviour.
Nonetheless
,
people
 have to accept, respect
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it according to
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
 reasons.
Submitted by aulia.putri2298 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • integration: The process of combining into an integral whole; cultural or social integration into a new society.
  • harmonious: Marked by agreement in feeling, attitude, or action.
  • cultural exchange: The sharing and learning of different cultural practices and ideas among groups.
  • identity: The fact of being who or what a person or thing is; cultural identity relates to a sense of belonging to a culture.
  • multicultural: Relating to or including many different cultures.
  • assimilation: The process of taking in and fully integrating into another culture.
  • diversity: The inclusion of different types of people with different traits or cultures in a group or organization.
  • cultural understanding: Awareness and acceptance of different cultures.
  • minority group: A group of people who differ from the larger group in a society based on cultural, ethnic, religious, or linguistic traits.
  • cultural preservation: The act of maintaining and protecting cultural beliefs, practices, and languages.
  • social cohesion: The bonds or ‘glue’ that bring people in a society together.
  • cultural adaptation: Adjusting and adapting to a new culture without completely abandoning one's own cultural practices.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!