IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #school #graduates #travel #work #period #time #study #university #approaches
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Some people believe that after high
school
Use synonyms
 life, it is better to have experiences in
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 or working than to study immediately for a higher degree. The advantage is the experiences they are stuffed with can strengthen the choice of specialization in university, while
on the other hand
Linking Words
, losing
interest
Use synonyms
 to go to university can be the
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
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. Taking some
time
Use synonyms
 to wander around after graduating high
school
Use synonyms
 can broaden the experience and give some space and
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the graduates to think about their passion before taking a more specialized major. They will get to explore any job roles through the internship
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
Linking Words
as
Add the comma(s)
,as
show examples
 a result, have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 how things work in a professional role.
Hence
Linking Words
 more
time
Use synonyms
 and pictures of what they want to pursue
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
next
Linking Words
 level since up until now, there are still people admitting their regret for studying the major they have no
interest
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
, yet have chosen.
Conversely
Linking Words
, going to work and making money before going to university can lessen their
interest
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
advanced education. People who work will be occupied both in
time
Use synonyms
 and thoughts that they tend to forget the importance of education.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the job options are limited to those with only
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
school
Use synonyms
certificate
Fix the agreement mistake
certificates
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 since many require a higher degree.
As a result
Linking Words
, the graduates will end up
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 making money from their position with little
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
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 to get promoted due to their high
school
Use synonyms
 degree. All in all, go experiencing the outside world after high
school
Use synonyms
 graduation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
an advantages
Correct the article-noun agreement
an advantage
advantages
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 of broad exposure which outweighs the disadvantage of losing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interest
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
advanced learning after working and making money.
Submitted by hpanduhimawan on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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